Submission

So I'm going to start off by saying this weeks devotion was so much more than a devotion. It has become something I have seen God start to work in me over and over again this week.

It all started on Sunday night. I attended an apologetics seminar and we talked about why the bible isn't clear sometimes. The answer given was that if the bible were more clear about where we should stand on issues ect., then it would be even easier for us to miss the entire overarching point: God's grace and love. We would cease to love each other and allow for each other to be human and we would use the bible as a way to hurt and destroy each other.

The next day in class I found myself in a conversation where I somehow managed to explain an event that is all about Jesus without even mentioning Him. And it destroys me to think of how treacherous I am and was. I read the first page of Submission and decided to read Psalm 42 because of the verse on the page. I got to feeling even more fake and destructive and rather pathetic. Verse 8 stuck out to me, "By day the LORD directs his love, at night his son is with me— a prayer to the God of my life." I realize that the point isn't to feel better, the point is to learn. When I mess up it's proof to me of my humanity, mortality, and sin nature. It's proof that I can't do as well as I thought I was doing. The point isn't to do well either. If we never see our faults we will never be completely and utterly humbled by the cross.

Then I experienced this totally humbling adventure of leading my the small group I'm in for the week. We were taking a closer look at Self-Control. How appropriate :) and in general I realized I'm just not naturally talented in that area. Which bums me out a little.

And church today! We sang, "We bow our hearts, we bend our knees, Oh Spirit come make us humble..." and the service in general was about putting our hopes in the LORD. Also, it pulled everything I've been learning through these devotions and life together into one message. That was repeated just now in a worship night I attended. Why can't it be an overnight change? Why can't we be sinning one day and the next be completely transformed and unashamedly in love with Jesus? Why do I have to learn that? Shouldn't that be my complete and immediate response? I don't understand.

Why is it that when I'm faced with my imperfections and am staring at words like "submission" or "humble" I suddenly lose the ability to unlock my knees. Why is it when I know that the appropriate response is to allow myself to be humbled, my heart simply does not know how? Because learning takes more time than our desire for instant gratification has the patience for.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 'Make level paths for your feet,' so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." Hebrews 12:11-12