Meditation

As I lay in bed falling asleep last night I was shocked to realize that suddenly it was Saturday's eve. I'm not really sure where my week went. This was the sort of week that sought to destroy any attempt I made to participate in this week's theme. I guess it is proof that the world isn't going to be compliant with my desire to follow Jesus. This week was crowded with school pressure, a (possibly permanently) broken laptop, and my family's 6th illness since January. My world is loud and pushy.

I didn't do very well at clinging to Him during this bummer week. There's a difference between dwelling in the calm and have the calm fill me inside. I have this silly notion that life is good when I don't have to do the things I'd rather not.

Here are my thoughts from this week's devotion:
Staff culture 9, discipline, is challenging/humbling/motivating to say the least. All the staff culture points are. I found Psalm 23:1-3 interesting, "I lack nothing" or "I shall not be in want" It made me remember that if I don't have 'it' yet, I probably don't need it. Or I at least don't need it yet. So why should I care about anything but my shepherd.
I want to focus on the Foster quote, "To be in the presence of God is to change." There is a part of me that doesn't want to die, and is focused on survival. That part of me has to die, I have to let her go for the sake of Christ.

I took meditate as a command, something not super optional. But it's also an invitation, come and dwell with God. For me meditation is listening based and prayer is talking based and I really just want something conversation based. I get lost in an abstract thought train that just ends up confusing me. And listening is so hard, I often feel like I have to fill the empty space with words. But I have learned so much from the times when I've opened up my mind to let God speak. I should have been more intentional abut listening this week but the good news is my life isn't over and each day, each moment, is a new chance to start over.