Service or Servant? It all makes sense

Hey,

So I dont know what just happened, but I think I just made it through the hardest week of my life. Early during the week, the question "Will you be my servant?" was indirectly presented to me. I felt as if God was asking me if I trusted Him enough that I would be willing to leave the college I'm currently attending to be his servant. I answered yes, but I had so much fear in my heart and took no action toward my decision. I remember standing in my room with friends and I just started crying my poor little eyes out because I had no control over what was next. Would God really have me to leave my college, where I was comfortable to be His servant? The craziest 'part about it was He never said where I would be going.
Really it was a test of trust. "Jess, do you trust me enough to put down everything you have and follow my direction even if you don't know exactly where you going, and allow yourself to be used in the process?" In my opinion, servantry is really true trust and faith. Incase you havent realized it yet, I have trust issues..

I had to give up the right to be in charge? I had to volunteer to be taken advantage of? I had no choice of who and when I would serve them? I had to be available and vulnerable?
Ouch, it sounds like pain!

However, in John 12:23-27, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant will also be. My Father will honor the one who serves me."

In the end, I had to think about what I really wanted for my life and thats for people to come into the Kingdom and to be used by God, so if that means I have to die, then yeah I'll do it. Ill go.

After I really let go of everything, including worry, I experienced peace. Peace with understanding that God was taking care of everything.

What God has planned next for me? Well, I really have no idea. Will I be back a Philander Smith College in the fall? Possibly, I dont know. All I know is I made the decision to be a servant and I TRUST that He will guide me to where I need to be.

Humbly,

Jessica J.